"We have been called to participate in the
world's creation from the very beginning. Making music. Baking Cakes.
Sewing curtains. These things mean something greater: that we have been
known from the very start. Our eye color, our hairline, our jawline,
the shape of our big toe, the tone of our voice. These things have been
designed from the very beginning. What kind of music we listen to. The
sort of skirt that looks good. The baseball cap, the tennis shoe, the
orange bandana. We have been made to find these things for ourselves
and take them in as ours, like adopted children: habits, hobbies,
idiosyncrasies, gestures, moods, tastes, tendencies, worries. They have
been put in us for good measure.
(An Audience Listening to Sufjan Stevens Speak)
Perhaps we dont like what we see: our hips, our loss of hair, our
shoe size, our dimples, our knuckles too big, our eating habits, our
disposition. We have disclosed these things in secret, likes and
dislikes, behind doors with locks, our lonely rooms, our messy desks,
our empty hearts, our sudden bursts of energy, our sudden bouts of
depression. Don't worry. Put away your mirrors and your beauty
magazines and your books on tape. There is someone right here who knows
you more than you do, who is making room on the couch, who is fixing a
meal, who is putting on your favorite record, who is listening intently
to what you have to say, who is standing there with you, face to face,
hand to hand, eye to eye, mouth to mouth. There is no space left
uncovered. This is where you belong."
"It is Doubt (so often experienced initially as weakness) that changes things. When a man feels unsteady, when he falters, when hard-won knowledge evaporates before his eyes, he's on the verge of growth. The subtle or violent reconciliation of the outer person and the inner core often seems at first like a mistake, like you've gone the wrong way and you're lost. But this is just emotion longing for the familiar. Life happens when the tectonic power of your speechless soul breaks through the dead habits of the mind. Doubt is nothing less than an opportunity to reenter the present."
- Excerpt from John Patrick Stanley's preface for his play Doubt
World-Roaming Teen-Ager Sails On by Robin Lee Graham
National Geographic, April 1969
"I wasn't very eager to resume my single-handed sailing around the world. I'm never eager to go back to the sea and the awful loneliness and exhaustion a singlehander has to face..."
Neither was I Robin Lee. I didn't want to take up my oar and strap on my seatbelt, turn on the ignition and drive down I-75 far from Cincinnati, Pittsburgh and my friends, my family. I didn't want to rediscover my dreams and desires. Where is the logic in sacrificing what is already good? But now...
"We'd changed, both boat and boy, since we sailed into [port] in 1967, beat up and battered. Dove had been transformed and strengthened. So had I. You could see the changes in Dove. I looked about the same as ever, but I 'd changed too. I wasn't a loner any more. I'd sail singlehanded to my journey's end, but my single life was over."
Oh, I was sure the Toyota and I had changed. There were newly acquired dents here and there, one from an accident in the rain, another still a mystery to me. The Toyota certainly had not been strengthened, only battered and, but the at the steering wheel could stand as living testament for growth. I had traveled singlehanded with Georgia on my mind, expecting in my heart-of-hearts to leave without value in true community. There were few expectations in the friendships I would build, little depth or understanding would be found. I already had the community I needed. But how wrong...
"She was traveling around the world too, stopping off here and there to work for a while and meet people."
I met Maggie the day her Mother and Step-Father dropped her off on our doorstep with a bicycle and duffel bag. She was clad with dreaded hair, yellow jeans and a soccer jersey - little concern to the common trend. Preconceived notions would have shouted, "Rebel!" But upon getting to know the humble, wise soul, which presided in Maggie, I quickly learned the rebel had run away years prior, and the wanderer had found a happy hovel.
"Man-oh-man," Maggie has taught me a substantial amount about community, inter-dependence, walking in obedience, adhering to authority and the voice of the Lord, commitment, and probably most important (which I'm sure she's hardly aware of) how to be honest. Most interesting, it is funny how intertwined our visions of community are, especially since we are all here to learn what it means. Just this past weekend we wound up holding hands with thirty or forty individuals of various backgrounds, beliefs, denominations and religions around a bonfire after beating on drums and chanting the melody of our heart. All belief set aside through love, we each could worship in our own way and trust that our neighbor wouldn't judge how awkward we looked, swinging our arms around like baboons. Part of community is like entering the dining room for dinner, setting aside presuppositions and taking part in the passing of satisfaction. "Man-oh-man, I had a good night."
Like I said, Maggie is a wanderer. It's part of her journey. And despite that inclination, she is able to keep the communities she is apart of alive and thriving, whether that community is in Zion, IL or Spain. What's next for Maggie? She is searching for that same answer as we speak, but truthfully, what good is that answer? We already know. Maggie will be traveling, not singlehanded, but with her community around the world, stopping here and there to work and love and meet people.
"But each day was like the next. Loneliness began to take hold of me like a pain that wouldn't go away. I fought it every way I could. You have to, or it will drive you crazy. It's slow torture, not like the sharp stab of fear a bad storm brings. But I think it's worse."
Thank you for all you have taught me, friend. Robin Lee Graham may have sailed around the world singlehanded, but I drove to Gainesville, GA and back learning how to navigate this world without ever being tortured by loneliness. I came to Gainesville expecting to leave with a warm fuzzy and a few tears in parting. Instead I have grown up a bit and learned how dangerous it is to travel singlehanded. Heck, who would yell, "Man overboard!" if I fell out?
I can't wait to see where your sails set your course. I am excited to be a part of it.
